Jokes

Source: answers.yahoo.com --- 23 hours ago
123 Abc ...

Source: www.userfriendly.org --- 19 hours ago
I can't write better Jokes than Steve's: "You probably need a software patch for MS Word to write on wheat bread. Bagels are not supported." Word, my friend. Word. The Scan Toaster . Thanks to Steve D. for the link! ...

Source: www.associatedcontent.com --- 1 day ago
The four political candidates as trains Which would you rather ride Sarah Palin Jokes are expected Content Producer: saul relative Published: Oct 11, 2008 ...

Source: www.vodahost.com --- 1 day ago
*Top Joke in England* Two weasels are sitting on a barstool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad... ...

Source: www.mustsharejokes.com --- 6 hours ago
Born April 29, 1954, in New York, Seinfeld is best known for playing a fictional version of himself on his long-running Jerry Seinfeld eponymous sitcom. What the hell were they doin' with a car on the g-d damn moon? You're on the moon already! Isn't that far enough? I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people... they're stickin' with the chopsticks What's with the cab drivers and B.O.? Just how long are these shifts? It's like they just get in the cab and drive 'til they are dead. Then they always have that cherry popit on the dashboard. Like that's suppose to be some kind of an improvement. Now you've got the cherry flavored B.O. I can't even imagine fruit going that long without a shower. Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge? There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.” Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? “Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.” What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet ...

Source: twitter.com --- 18 hours ago
brettp: One of the things they don't tell you about working in IT with a Liberal Arts degree is how many of your Jokes you'll have to explain. ...

Source: forums.mukamo.com --- 1 day ago
BUS hinoLd-UP ... HOLDAPER : rereypin ko lahat ng babae dito ! PROSTI : ako na lang po maawa po kayo sa kanila ! LOLA: wooohhh ! pak u ! epal ka "LAHAT NGA DAW EH" -----------end----------------- sa sabungan , walang entrace fee ang may dalang panabong para makalibre si juan nagdala sya ng inahin ... inspektor : anu yang dala mo ? juan : (galet pa) inahin bakit ? inspektor : e bat yan ang dinala mo ? juan : syempre may laban ang mister nya moral support ------------end------------------ nagkasundo si juan at scott na kapag nagtanong si scott kay juan at hindi nasagot ni juan magbabayad sya kay scott ng P5 ... kapag hindi naman nasagot ni scott ang tanung ni juan magbabayad sya dito ng P5000 (panatag si scott dahil alam nya na mas mautak sya kaysa kay juan) unang nagtanung si scott SCOTT : juan sinu ang unang tao na naka akyat sa MT. EVEREST ? (hindi naka sagot si juan kaya nag abot saya ng P5) ngaun si juan naman ang nagtanung JUAN : anong hayop ang umakyat sa bundok ng may limang paa at ng bumaba ay naging 3 na lang ? (nag hanap si scott kahit saan pero hindi nya makita ang sagot kaya inabot na nya ang P5000 kay juan) SCOTT : ngaun juan anu ang sagot sa tanung mo ? (nag abot ulit si juan ng P5 kay scott) --------------------end--------------------- haha ang wais eh noh ? mahirap intindihin yung pangatlo kaya kayo na ang bahala hehe ,,, pag naintindihan nyo maganda yan ... COMMENTS ARE WELL ACCEPTED ...

Source: www.boxxet.com --- 7 hours ago
Written by The Huffington Post News Editors This week in the best of late-night television, "SNL Weekend Update Thursday" gets in the mix with a Sarah Palin joke, Jay Leno makes fun of the Alaskan Governor as well, Conan O'Brien lobs one about Barack Obama's campaign fundraising, Stephen Colbert discusses just how cold Cindy McCa... Original story at Huffington Post . View our complete collection of news and blogs, plus related videos, photos and more at Boxxet: Jay Leno . ...

Source: www.publiceyesite.org --- 23 hours ago
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Source: twitter.com --- 1 day ago
extralife: @notpatrick yeah but how are the Jokes. ...

Source: forum.massivelinks.com --- 15 hours ago
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Suitably impressed, he buys a pack and upon getting... ...

Source: www.rsboards.com --- 17 hours ago
1. What do you call mixed feelings? Your mother-in-law falling off a cliff in your new car. 2. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are on a boat.... ...

Source: chanelwood.com --- 23 hours ago
I took these photos in the middle of September, but never really got around to processing them until now. They were taken in English Bay on an unusually warm, sunny weekend, and true to form, the beaches of Vancouver were a little full while the rest of Vancouver was… also a little full. That’s Vancouver for you: The slightest inclination of good weather (GOOD WEATHER? WHERE?!), and everyone and their pink swarovski crystal studded Jack-A-Poo s are out of the house. You can’t make the stuff up, folks. Not even a bit. In the summer of 2006, I took a trip to Northern Texas. It was my first time in Texas, as well as the central/southern part of the US. I definitely enjoyed my time there (aside from the blistering heat and lack of wind throughout my stay, which was a personal brand of hell I won’t be trying again), but one of the things that hit me during my stay there was the fact that there were people in North America who had never seen the ocean . This completely baffled my mind. How could you go your entire life without ever seeing the ocean? As a westcoaster through and through, I grew up around the ocean. My family and I would go out for Sunday breakfast and a walk by the ocean. We’d go swimming in the pool by the ocean. We’d have summer picnics by the ocean. We’d take ferries to the Island on the ocean, and the entire ship would come to a crawling halt when the captain announced killer whale sightings on the left side of the ship ...

Source: thechutkule.blogspot.com --- 16 hours ago
1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called "Saints", But now they are called.. "IT professionals" 2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt : "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off" 3) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love.. Love is always present.. Its just that, One loves too much, And the other loves too many, 4) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..! BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..! 5) Philosophy of life At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD, Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..! 6) What is a Fear? Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..! 7) Useful Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer" No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..! 8) Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes? Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!" Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..! 9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you..! " Applicant: What is it? Interviewer: Its called the "door..!" 10) A Banner cum Si ...

Source: thechutkule.blogspot.com --- 16 hours ago
Mr. Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news, I 'm a month overdue. I think we are going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from BSES (Bombay Suburban Electricity Supply) because the electricity bill has not been paid. Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma ? Yes...... speaking BSES guy, "You! re a month overdue, you know!" How do YOU know? stammers the young woman. Well, maam, its in our files! says the BSES guy . What are you saying? Its in your files ..... HOW? Yes, We have a system of finding out whos overdue GOD !!!!!!......... this is too much. Madam, I am sorry...... I am following order, I have to inform you are overdue I know that let me talk to my husband about this tonight, he will speak to your company tomorrow That night, she tells her! husband about the visit, and he mad as a bull, rushes to BSES office the next day morning. Whats going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours? the husband shouts. Just calm down, says the lady at the reception at BSES, its nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us. PAY you? and if I refuse? Well, in that case, sir, we have no option but to cut yours off. And what would my wife do then? the husband asks. I dont know. I guess ! she would have to use a candle!!! ...

Source: thechutkule.blogspot.com --- 16 hours ago
One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money. Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation... The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, agreed to have some naughty fun and took the ride. The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand i ...

Source: thechutkule.blogspot.com --- 16 hours ago
A Sarder goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sarder then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sarder says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sarder boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sarder replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke." ...

Source: joshlos.wordpress.com --- 4 hours ago
I feel like I’ve been complaining a lot lately/not being as light-hearted as I’d prefer to be, thus I felt the need to lighten things up a little. So here’s this little ditty from the vault… Monday, April 24, 2006 Corny joke I made this joke up: Q. What’s Captain Hook’s favorite exercise? A. Pirates. (but pronounce it like pilates) I told [...] ...